My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
