No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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