So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
So squirting runs in the family.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
