Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
