Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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