no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Randomize
