Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
