I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize