Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
