actually, I'm a sock model
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Buhtt sex?
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
