Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
