I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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