I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
