you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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