I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
