booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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