Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
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