look no pants
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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