I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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