i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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