You really coming over, don't trick.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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