Well douche your snatch and let's go!
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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