dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
