Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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