she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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