omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
