you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Randomize
