just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
