i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
