guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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