I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
