i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
