My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
