You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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