NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
