My nipple is on Facebook.
I just saw a hot homeless man
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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