Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
