The best revenge is premature balding
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
