You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
