How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
