Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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