you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I still have a little drunk in my system
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
