Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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