Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
