god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
