arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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