does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
