dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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