I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
