Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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