Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
