So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
