Im at strip club and am horny
I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
