omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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