i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
