Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
