Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
