he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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