Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Every concussion has its silver lining
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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