whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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