there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
