so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
