I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I want a musical about memes.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
