sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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