Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
