if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Someone shattered a urinal.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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