"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
