New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
