is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
