just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
