Michael Bay diarrhea
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
you had me at cake vodka
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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