It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
false alarm. still invincible.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
