Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
