literally had 100 drinks last night.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
