worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
