It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I am mentally ready for anal.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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