Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
