Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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