So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
the day after is always just damage control
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
